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Talking About The Taboo!

There are some stats that say 1 out of 6 boys have been or will be sexually abused. This is such a tragic statistic and what it tells me is that not only are there a lot of boys who have been abused and hurt, but that they grew or will grow into men who are still hurting and in pain from such a sick violation. Most men never saying a word about it, just suffering in silence. The tragedy in this is multilayered. Lots of people, especially men, dismiss it as something that happened, not really knowing that the effects are far-reaching. The effects from childhood molestation can cast a net that will affect you and everyone you love for the rest of your lives if not addressed. I know that this is difficult to talk about or even acknowledge, especially for men. That's why I am so happy that Dr. Howard Fradkin has written a book called Joining Forces to help men who are adult survivors learn to cope, deal and most of all stop suffering in silence.

Most of you reading this are not male... I know that because most of my audience is women :-) I know some of you are saying, "why is this important to me?" Well I'll tell you. I can assure you, his abuse can directly affect his relationship with you. It is such a cycle and this book is what can help to apply the brakes to stop the spinning. If you know of a male who has been sexually abused, this book is a must read in helping you understand him. If you suspect it or not, most of the telltale signs are common and lots of them are discussed in Joining Forces.

Let me be clear, Dr. Fradkin asked me to write the forward for this book, but I did not, nor will I ever, receive any monies for his book. That's not why I did it or why I'm sending this message to you. The reason I'm doing all of this is because I know the pain and the darkness and the shame that we as men can carry when these evil acts have been put upon us. But I also thank God. I know the peace and comfort that comes along with healing from the horror. Healing can start by reading this book.

Joining Forces is on sale now wherever books are sold.

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  • Sandra Indianapolis, IN

    Tyler, Thank you so much for sharing this book. I am a therapist and over the years I see first hand all of those that have been sexually molested/abused. I have also worked over 30 years (prior to becoming a therapist)with children. There were (and are)as many boys that have been sexually abused but for many reasons never share the information. Instead they act it out (Ex. anger, mistrust,drugs, self medicaid, low self esteem, gender challenges). There are many books but there are just not enough that specifically highlight abused boys/men. Thank you so much for sharing this one. I still direct men /women to Oprah site to view the two days you and men that suffered abuse shared their experiences. For all of us that have suffered from abuse I thank you for all that you do both on and off the screen. Sandra

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  • Marletta Priscilla Fomby Hall County

    Tyler as I sit here watching Daddy's Little Girl on this day of November 18 2012 on channel 7 WPCH. I am thinking of what to say to you about thi last email you wrote that is very touchie to people of this world today. I will and can tell you about somethings openly, But my strong men can not because they are taught to be strong and show no weakiness. I had this liitle boy who was eight years old and some other kids with me on oct 14 12 for my daughter birthday day who just turned 10. She was born from my sister but Yahweh gave her to me to raise from 3 days old until the end of time. I love being a mother. I will bear my husbands kids one day whenever he finds his wife. At 21 I met and married my ex husband. He too was molested as I. But he only told me bites and pieces. No one will ever guess what this man did to us as I was protecting my daughte and myself from the world. I will leave it right here to say this. Please help as many as you can. You can personally relate My strong man. But any who this little boy got on rides and the one we got on scaed all the kids even I. So afte he get off the ride he says I don't want to get on that ride again. I asked why when I knew the truth. He said it made me cry I thought I was going to fall out the ride. and he added I know that boys are not suppose to cry. I stopped in my tracks and I cupped his face in my hands and said. Yahweh our God made tears in all people. Don't ever be afraid to cry. So this 8 yr. old boy is being taught to show no emontion in which would make thi world run smoothy if only men use what was given to them at birth. I want to tell you Tyler more about my story but I don't want you making fiction out of my truth. I will be working with you soon. I know you like my work and I know that you are goiing to change a few things with my work. And only can I bring my testiomony to this world that Yahweh our God has given me to bring out hurt souls. See You Soon. P.S I seen you only eddie Murphy one night only. Tyler you seemed a little un....... don't want to say uncomfortable or figet. but somehere near there. But over all you were great!

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  • P.S. Williams Seneca, SC

    Tyler, I received your info about Joining Forces in an e-mail. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in addressing this issue. Today New Spring Church in Anderson campus (and all of their campuses) addressed it in a huge way and offered people help in confronting their secret of being sexually abused (male and female). You can watch the service on-line live at 11:30, 4:15, and 6:00 @NewSpring. It was phenomenal!!!! I thought of you:) and all of the great things you have accomplished through your faith. You are set free from your darkest secret and you too are phenomenal! Thank you! Hope this info helps others too.

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  • I Was Talking About Taboo Too!

    Hello Mr.!! You good? I feel like you are...I am, I promise. I missed this message until now, sorry. Thanks for the heads up for so many who will benefit from the insight of this book. I have planned to buy the book ("I'll stand out in the rain")& allow it to benefit my knowledge too. So know that I am reading, k? Know that I hold you so close in prayer, in heart; know for certain too that I love you. You look so well. Blessings all over you.

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  • LaTonya McCarroll Greenville, SC

    Tyler, so many survivors feel alone. It's very difficult to find another survivor because, as you know, abuse thrives in silence. If it wasn't for people in the public eye who speak out (like yourself, Dr. Maya Angelou, Oprah, etc...), many people would feel completely isolated. I'm one of those people. I'm so glad that you and Dr. Fradkin are speaking out particularly for men. You're so right...it's a cycle. Men are taught to act strong, so they don't receive the healing they need. As a result, either they abuse others or they self-destruct in life. I truly believe that many never tell anyone. It's only when people like yourself are willing to reach out that many realize they are NOT alone, and there is hope. Thank you Tyler. You are a blessing. Love, LaTonya

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  • Tracy Behling Bronx, N.Y.

    God bless you Mr.Perry, for sharing your story and this info about this book. There so many people who have been abused, particulary children, who unless there is intervention, will grow up and violate others. My mother has been raising my nephew Jeremiah since he was 10 months, his mother and my brother aren't in the picture and he was adopted by my mom at 5 y.o. My mother who is 70 has been raising him perdominately by herself and for the last few years he was running away and being defiant with her. We found out recently he was sexually assaulted by 2 men who are incarcerated, but that there were others as well. He loves the Lord and has been raised up in the House of God! Whenever he would run, he would eventually find himself at church. The state has requested that my mother turn him over to foster care, temporary, until he stops running away. I know my nephew is just looking for love and validation and affirment which so many of us, need and may not have received . Please keep him in prayer that God will heal him.

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  • Carolyn Rowe Canada

    Thanks for doing the foreward on Dr Howard Fradkin's new book Joining Forces. I applaud your willingness to be a silence breaker. Please know that for every criticism you recieve there are twice (maybe more) as many who are grateful to know they are not alone. I am one of those who appreciate your personal sacrifice in telling your story. So again thanks and I will continue to pray for your personal journey in life. Blessings, Carolyn

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  • Stormy013 MA

    Tyler, I think I may pick this book up for my grown son for a Christmas present. He was 8 years old & went to a Baptist church. The Sunday school teacher was a predator. What happened to my son was not as bad as what happened to other children. We put him behind bars but he's probably been out since my son turned around 20 yrs old. He was not put in a regular prison but Bridgewater for the criminally insane. 1st off there is no cure for people like this. Too bad the police don't believe men are abused as women. I remember when the trial against this person was taking place I would wake in the mid of the pm & almost step on my son ( not knowing he was scared & would come in to my room & sleep on the floor next to my bed). I did counseling for him. He did go back to that church after the guy was sentenced 1 last time, to face his demons. He did it on his own. Thanks for the heads up on this book. My son's question is always, "If God loved me, why did he let that happen?" Well I tried to explain that God gave man free will etc. But I just pray for him to love God again as he once did. Thank You!

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  • Thank you USA

    I see things like this at my place of work. I work in booking and have to book the men and women charged with sex offenses and rape. And when reading the paperwork that has full details and timeline of events. I always ask myself , why won't they talk to someone about this. This abuse needs to stop, what happened to them in there past that makes them do this. When speaking to some of them, I don't want to hear the stories but I lesson because I don't want them to hurt themselves. Some of them don't think they did anything wrong because when they were growing up it happened in there home the family knew and it was condoned. Others had thing happening to them my mothers boyfriends and because the mother wanted to keep the man she would allow it. And the last group just did it because it was done to them and they are still scared by what happened to them. I hope someday that this cycle of abuse will stop. I will be purchasing the book and maybe it can help me understand what happened to them. Thank you for putting this out there Mr. Tyler Perry.

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  • Carrie Orlando

    Thank God foremost for giving you, Tyler, to the world. I enjoy your insperational corner and emails the most. God gave you so much wisdom, and you are a truly gifted motivator. After a long day at work, there is nothing more mind healing and relaxing than to watch Meet the Browns or anything that gets your cheekbuts moving. Congrats on Alex Cross, luv luv all you do, you are cut out for this role, you nailed IT!! some "big" time Hollywood movies are so predictable, but Alex Cross kept me on my toes, until the END! I am from Europe, and some of my family members never heard about you as an actor, even though some of your shows are on daytime t.v. I did tell my oversees peeps; GO SEE ALEX CROSS.....hope to see you in part II :). To response on your last msg, it is hard for anyone to relate to the lifetime pain, darkness and emotional distress of being sexually abuse as a child, unless you are a survivor. To all survivors; continue the journey Our Dear Father had in place for you from the time before you were even conceived... in Tylers own words, "that stubborn feeling that just WONT go away". Be blessed as always.

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  • Jocelyn STL

    Happiness is always possible, but we have to be open to it, sometimes that means letting go of what we are holding on to. I am learning that what one may view as Providence is truly on Coincidence...and it is time to cut the ties with emotions, thoughts and deeds that does not promotive forward mobility. Thanks for sharing the information for those who have been abused. I believe men and women alike can benefit from learning tools of behavioral modification promoting wellness of mind, body and spirit. Thank you for sharing words of enlightment, may your life and actions continue to shine and represents the will of God. God bless.

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  • Lesa R Texas

    I applaud Dr. Fradkin for his chosen use of his blessed talent and education. Yes, research shows that 1 out of every 4 children, suffer from some form of child sexual abuse. Globally, approximately 20% females, and 8% males. In case you are wondering why there is such a huge gap, partly because in society, men are still considered to be more violent, and women more gentle, and nurturing, lending way for bias results, and the methodologies and definition of what is abuse, as well as, most cases go unreported because the perpetrators are usually acquainted with the victim, or the abused are to embarrassed to say anything. Studies show that as much as 16% of males have been sexually abused as a child, and that's only the reported cases. Since females are more involved in the daily intimate care of children, sexual abuse usually go unnoticed, when it's perpetrated by a woman. All abuse is horrific, whether it be physical, psychological, or sexual. With physical abuse, the bruises eventually heal, maybe even go away altogether, but how does one heal a broken mind, a damaged spirit, or a stolen soul? You can't put an Ice pack or a heating pad on that.

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